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May 28, 2012


i love to swim and i miss it a lot , i exercise daily at home in a back room hidden away ,i really would love to swim again but i am looked upon like some kind of freak how dare the fat person want to exercise go away dear and starve your self first they seem to say

Please do! please keep this awesome attitude. We all need role models like you and Ragen so that we can be that ourselves, too

I won't go to gym because of this. I was mocked in a gym thirty years ago. I feel embarrassed because I think people are looking at me. I take walks because I'm going some place. I can't even take a walk or bike for the heck of it. I have to go somewhere. I'll only exercise at home or if the movement has another purpose. I feel too self-conscious to exercise in public for the heck of it. I'll swim for fun, but not for exercise for the same reason. I don't want people to see me exercising.

One insult years ago make me feel uncomfortable. It's foolish, but my inner voice tells me people are laughing so I can't do it.

This kind of BS puts the lie to the notion that people are "concerned for our health." No they aren't. They say they want us to exercise, but they don't actually want us to exercise. What they want is for there not to be any fat people - whether we do that through exercising under a blanket in our house with the shades drawn until we are thin enough to be allowed into public, or just by magically disappearing, doesn't matter to them. They just don't want to see us around.

They don't want us to exercise, or to exist. Scratch all this ho-ho look at the fat lady funny ha-ha bullshit and you get neoeugenic, eliminationist concepts and mindsets.

"We will shame you for existing, even if it is while doing something that we continually say you should be doing. Because you shouldn't be doing anything at all, since you shouldn't exist in the first place."

I can totally, 100% identify with people in the study who exercise less than they would if it wasn't for the whole stigma of being fat in public thing.

There is a pool, to which we have passes, within an easy walk of my house. I've never used it, because walking in the first time someone started shouting to get the harpoons ready and everyone laughed. I just can't bring myself to face that ridicule again, which is utterly ridiculous in someone who's 36 years old! But there it is.

Babysitting my sister's dog right now, and we walk mostly in the very early morning (6-7am) or occasionally very late at night (after midnight) largely because I want to avoid people as much as possible for fear of ridicule. One would think that a 90lb rottweiler mix would be enough deterrent to mitigate random hate, but it really isn't. Crossing the street at a crosswalk with the walk signal the other day and had someone yelling at me to get my fat ass out of the road.

I know it says a lot more about them than it does about me, but there is still a lot of baggage that comes tagging along when you have experiences like that, and it really sours one on putting oneself in those situations again.

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