The following is a dramatization... No asshats were harmed in the making of this blog.
So PETA, Heart Surgeon Delos M. Cosgrove and Whole Foods CEO John Mackey were walking down the street discussing the horrible, destructive, murderous, animal-raping obesity epidemic and what might be done to help those disgusting fatties become lean, mean, animal-loving machines.
"I know," said John Mackey. "Let's blame the health care crisis on them! They'd totally want to slim down if they thought they were the reason 44 million Americans can't get health insurance. It's all their fault for eating crap. Nobody should eat anything that doesn't come out of my store."
"I have a better idea," said PETA. "Many fat people can't get health insurance so it may not affect them. I say we should call them childish names."
"No, that won't work," said Delos M Cosgrove. "It probably be better if they just didn't have jobs."
And then this completely cool, drop dead gorgeous, employed and ZOMG happy fat person--me--rides in on a mighty Killer Whale, flattens all three of these nimrods and screams "NOW YOU'RE REALLY THIN!!"
If I ever get in a situation where I need any kind of heart surgery I don't want Delos Cosgrove coming anywhere near me. If I see an animal in trouble, I'll call the Human society. And when I need whole healthy foods, I won't be getting it in Whole Foods.
I've also started a new blog called Fat Habitat. It's all about becoming sustainable without fat stigma.
And if anyone would like to join me.
501 Front St.
Norfolk, VA 23510
Okay, so another disclaimer: no giant killer whales were harmed, either.